Finding my Sangha

The word “Sangha” refers to a community of practitioners or followers of the Buddha’s teachings. However, for me, it has a broader meaning; it includes all my friends and allies on the spiritual path. It was during a powerful ceremony that I really understood what Sangha means to me.

A week ago, on December 8th, 2023, my husband and I were inspired to do an all-night dance and Medicine ceremony to inaugurate our tipi. The tipi is installed in our backyard and was a gift from our dear friends who left Peru. This sacred space carries our vision of a sanctuary for ceremonies, uniting people in prayer, dance, medicine work, healing, and joy. With the fire witnessing our intentions and the rain pouring all night, our journey began!

My senses were highly opened; I had a clear awareness of the content of my mind. My thoughts were flowing rapidly, and I was able to see them all: fears, attachments, and longings, the joy of being alive in that precise moment, and the immense gratitude for everything that I have lived. I was completely aware of the river of experience, but it was not only a bare awareness; it was an awareness filled with intense love and compassion. I felt part of everything, no separation, and a profound sense of acceptance, peace, and great love for all. Am I getting enlightened? I thought—a bold question—what does it mean to be awakened? A mind free of greed, hatred, and delusion, a mind that embraces all with kindness. That was my mind at that moment!

It is not uncommon to experience a great deal of love and connection during Medicine ceremonies; in fact, that is what the Medicines do—they open our perception so we can realize our deep interconnection, and once we feel no longer separated, love emerges spontaneously. This was a peak experience, and I would most likely “come down” from the mystical journey into my “usual” mindset, but I will come back a little bit changed, carrying the jewel of the experience in my heart. Like in the hero or heroine journey, the ceremony is a journey into oneself, one that brings us a deeper understanding of who we are and our place in the tapestry of life.

And it was there, in the middle of that profound experience, when I connected with all the joys and sorrows of humanity—especially the sorrows. I could feel the pain of war and injustice in my bones, and great compassion arose, and out of great compassion, this desire for awakening emerged. I said to myself, “I want to have a pure mind and heart so I can really help humanity, that my words and actions can come from a place of love and wisdom instead of my small, crazy, and messy mind.” I was taken over by the spirit of Bodhichitta! Bodhicitta is also a Buddhist term, and it refers to a type of mind, a type of consciousness that aspires to awaken for the benefit of all beings. It’s a quality of mind that emphasizes altruism, compassion, and the dedication of one’s spiritual practice for the well-being of others.

So, in the most heartfelt way, I prayed and swore to myself, “I will dedicate my life to help all beings.” And after saying that, my second thought was—oh no! What did I just do? I cannot do that! It’s so much pain, and I am so small; I am alone. The weight of the task just became obvious, and I—that a minute ago felt super empowered—became a small ant facing a storm. “I cannot do it; I am alone; I cannot do it alone.” I collapsed in my smallness, feeling completely alone when a voice emerged from inside myself, a clear voice saying, “You are not alone; you have never been.” And in that moment, I felt all of my family and extended family next to me; my grandma came from the other side, and my great grandmas that I did not meet, I could feel all my ancestors standing next to me. The images of Buddhist monks and nuns also came, people that I didn’t know but that carried the teachings that I now follow; they were praying and meditating around me. Then my friends came to visit, smiling and cheering me up. The spirit of Mother Mary and Saint Francis of Assisi also came. “You are not alone,” the voice said, and I had the image of light emerging underneath a black, dense cloud; the black cloud was being cracked open by the light, and I realized that underneath it was all light, an immense bright light that had been covered by darkness but was breaking down. And the voice said, “every speck of light is a being, a person, a spirit who is dedicating their life to help humanity. They look little in comparison with the darkness, but when they get together, they form a wave of light that is able to break the darkness. These light beings are all the people that you know that are acting with love, supporting the awakening of humanity in their own unique way. There are also people who have died, and whose love ripples through time and space. These light beings are the spirits of the plants, the spirits of the earth, angels, devas, and saints of all faiths and traditions, high spirits of love and compassion. You are not alone; you have never been. You must remember that there is much more goodness than evil, and beneath the darkness and confusion, there is always light in the hearts of human beings.”

The voice also told me, “Believe in your awakening, believe that is possible and act like you are awakened because awakening is always there; it’s not to be achieved but unveiled. Believe in the goodness of your heart,” and it was like the voice was pointing at me with an invisible finger while repeating, “you gotta believe in goodness!”

The effects of the medicine wore off around dawn, leaving me with a sense of lightness that lasted a few days. My usual crazy mind is back, but something in me changed a little bit. What if I decide to believe in the goodness of people, and in the goodness of this earth that nurtures me? What if I trust that goodness will prevail? What if I act with the wisdom of the heart? Now, I feel that I am not alone; my Sangha is all the people that supported me, people that I will never know but whose goodness I encounter in every step of my way. My Sangha is not only the people that I meditate with, or the people that come to the retreats; it’s all who are trying to create a better world, who are loving their families and teaching their children to be kind; it’s all the people that speak in the name of peace and justice, all the dharma teachers and the medicine carriers. My Sangha is all those who have seen the true heart of humanity and are here to remind us of our inherent awakened essence.

By Mirian Janeth Jaramillo